Courageous Soul

2005-09-12T23:11:00.000-04:00

We're going to LAS VEGAS! Early November! The tickets are bought. It's for a week, and im so excited, OBV. It's me Steve and his mom and dad. His dad is getting honored for having such high scores in the car thing, he had the highest in the nation so they are flying him out there to give him the award in a ceremony. Remember they have a car collision shop, the best in michigan, well with there rating and test scores and certifications they really are. Ive seen the proof. I'm so proud of them!!

This weekend he layed some cermaic tile down in my office omg its so beautiful!!! It really complete's the place nicely.

So i cut my hair! About 4 inches off last week, 6 inches in some areas because she added some shorter layers so it has some nice volume when i leave it curly. I LOVE it. I was really scared because my hair was SOOO long and i dont trust many people with it. But she did a great job!

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[for some reason the html to post a pic wouldnt work?]

We had a great time at the lake this weekend, i have a nice renewed tan and the cute freckles are back on my nose, lol. It was probably one of the last good weekends of the summer, already!

2005-09-02T11:13:00.000-04:00

Things have been rather busy with my business, getting ready for school and much needed Steve time.We dont really have any set weekend plans for the first time in months! We just are going to lay some tile in one of the rooms at my office and clean up his yard a bit. We're becoming more and more like a married couple, it's pathetically adorable! I couldnt ask for more. His mom mentioned today how much of a good change she's seen in him since ive come around. He's started caring about things again, taking repsonsibility for the things he neglected. She's so happy that we're together, and his and my whole family and friends feel the same way. It's nice to be loved by so many people. They are all so caring. I myself have really become a much better and happeir person. Each day is a new adventure and i love it!

Off to do some errands before the weekend!

Poker anyone?

2005-08-26T00:58:00.000-04:00

So tomorrow is the Poker run aorund the lake. I guess everyoen with there old, new and fast cars go around the lake racing tryign to win at poker. Each stop is a hang out. I knwo sounds boring and cheesy but apprently its alot of fun. They do burn outs showing off and afterwards they all go off into hidden places and drag race. I'm kinda excited about it! Me and Steve got his mom and dads blue chevelle convertible. I wish i knew the year lol But i will take pictures!

Sara is supposed to come up this weekend dont know now if she will make it. I'm rather disapointed but oh well.

My business had it's first good week. Was nice to be able to pay my bills this month. A bunch of weight off my shoulders.

I'm exhausted.

Clearence Shopping Queen!

2005-08-19T00:08:00.000-04:00

So this weekend is Steve's grandparents 50th anniversary party. We gotta kinda semi dress up and ofcourse i havent a thing to wear! So i take the 20 dollars i have to spend on an outfit and go hunting. I stop at Kmart first seeing as they have a huge 50% off sign outside. I attack the clearnece rack and discover the PERFECT dress. It says $10, that i can afford, however i need to find shoes too. I go searching for shoes and find the yet again, PERFECT shoes. I go to the register only to be surpised that the dress does not cost $10 but $4.80!!!!!!! This was totally ment to be. Ther perfect outfit for $11.80. Amazing? YES i think soooooo.

Along with all that my newspapaer article turned out nice except the fact that this same week one of the massage therapist in Houghton lake decided to also have a new location article printed right by mine. I wasn't happy but oh well nothing i can do. He did look kind of creepy in his picture though. And ive heard not so good things about him so im not real concerned. Just disapointed, i wanted to be the spot light.

So this weekend will be funa t the party, im really excited to wear this dress, words cant even explain!

Fantastic!

2005-08-13T11:33:00.000-04:00

Life is fantasticly great right now. I've gotten out of the deep hole i fell in when i moved here and I have actually grown to really like it here. I'm with an amazing man who's family is just so sweet and great. They have helped me in so many ways. My business is slowly but surely growing. I can't wait for it to really be going. School is finally almost done, i'll have 2 more classes after this fall semester and i'll have my degree, FINALLY. I do plan on going back and doing the skin care program because my 10 year plan is to have a Day Spa/ Bed Breakfast place and i want to take the salon management class and all that junk.

I cant beleive is August already! This summer is flying by. But it has truly been one of the best ones i have ever had. I finally have gotton to enjoy this beautiful lake and all the fun around it. One of the best thigns is im meeting people in town, people of all ages. And finally i dont feel so alone even when im surrounded by a bunch of people. It's because now i see a famaliar face where ever i go, im not jsut the redhead in the shadows who no one knows anymore. I never could ahve iamged i would liek it ehre as much as i do. 7 months ago had you asked me if i liekd it here, the first words out of my mouth where, "when i gradute im going to California". I couldnt wait to escape but now i couldnt think of anywhere else i would rather be.

My family from California is here for the next week, and right now Steve is golfing with all them. They all think he's great. But they dont need to tell me that, i already know.

Free Falling

2005-05-12T20:34:00.000-04:00

Things are better than i can imagine. I'm off school for abut a month now. Things with Steve are absoltly amazing. I really am doing so well for the first time while living up here. I knew being patient would be good in the end. Sure its only been a month but these first months in a relationship are what build the concrete base. We get along so well, he treats me the way i deserve. That seems to be hard to find. I could go on and on gushing about it all but i wont :)
I'm falling and im not afriad of it!!!

School went well i got all A's in my massage courses!! We start yo again in early June, thats when we do the clinicals. People come in pay 10 dollars for a massage. We do it on tuesdays, thursday, just about all summer. We each do 3 massages each day. It will be great practice!

So yeah thats really all i have to say right now. I'm so incredibly happy, i hope it dosent come to an end, but i have a feeling it wont anytime soon ;)

Everything is truly FABULOUS!

2005-04-30T22:41:00.000-04:00

Waitressing is going really good, im making great money that i need so bad. it's all going to bills though :( Can't wait till i get caught up on my bills and i can get some summer clothes. Nothing from last year will do anymore. Do you ever look at last seasons clothes and wonder WTF was i thinking? I'm also getting more comfortable with myself and am not gonna be so shy with different styles of clothing that i like.

Its been awhile since i let myself fall into something. Sure i have dated, but i kept a great deal of distance from the other guys because i knew they werent worth letting in. Steve on the other hand, tho i am keeping a bit of distance for awhile, im letting him in slowly. It's really sad we are totally that fresh new couple that is soo touchy and cuddly and kissy, it's rather sick really. But i love it lolHe told his mom about me yesterday. Basically it was his mom saying "I have this great girl to introduce you to!" him saying, "Mom i think it's a little to late for that" Then ofcourse you know on came 20 questions. He told me that ofcourse he didnt mind talking about me and that she is SO excited to meet me. From how he talks his parents seem really really cool, and im just as excited. Last night i went over and he totally cooked this absolutly yummy spagetti dinner for me! I was very impressed. And then we cuddled the night away watchin movies.

So over all school is great got a 97% on my massage practical, and work is going great, and well finally the love life is going extremely great!!

Refreshing

2005-04-20T11:05:00.000-04:00

Its been so long since ive been here, on this happy cloud in the sky. Since saturday things have been so good i feel like it cant be real. Am i dreaming or am i awake?

I woke yesterday morning having the urge to go for a run, so i did. I got back did the rest of my workout. I read an ad in the paper that a near by resturant is hiring, with my experience i figured why not. This place is a huge money maker in the summer time. It will be perfect. The guy hires me on the spot. I then head to school and have a great conversation with a friend about life and the future and how thigns are. We are both doing really well lately. I then won 40 bucks on some scratch of lottery tickets i purchased earlier. Then in class had a talk with my teacher about some ideas and she was more than happy to help out. I couldnt have asked for a better day. Then Desiree calls with news of Steve. She had called him to get his view on how our date was. He said he's just as excited about getting to know me and has always had a soft spot for read heads. He plans on giving me a call tomrrow i guess. I couldnt be more excited about it all. Though im still trying not to incase it all falls apart. But this time around i cant help but give it my all with open arms, so i cant wonder if i did all i could and if i was myself 100%.

Finally things feel right, for so long everything felt off and weird, but not now. Now i feel refreshed and excited about the days, weeks, months to come.

Maybe there's a chance?

2005-04-18T22:15:00.000-04:00

So lets start from saturday where it all began. Where i realized i am possibly worth dating.

My friend Desiree who's in the massage program with me tells me she's havin a BBQ and to come over and join her and friends. Little did i know she had in her mind a guy she wanted to introduce me too. So i happily accept the inviation and go over. Her friend Steve shows up, he's so handsome and respectful, and funny! Me and him sat on the porch with beers in hand talking and getting to know eachother, realizing we know alot of the same people and that he lives 1/2 from me. We were suprised we had never met. At the end of the night he askes for my phone number and a hug. At this point im excited to have met someone new, but still a little leary because everytime i meet someone new they end up being another piece of scum. Yesterday he calls me to do something after i got off work. He picked me up and we got ice cream and went and found a nice spot on the beach and sat and enjoyed our icecream and got to know eachother better. We watched the sunset and i was so mad i didnt have my camera it was amazing. We then drove around for a awhile and then he started telling me about his house that HE BUILT all on his own with his father, they didnt have anyoone come in to do electrical or piping, they did it all. So i ofcourse want to see this place.

I was so impressed this 3 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath, 2 story house with a huge deck in front and one in back with a massive jaccuzzi, it was amazingggg. However i knew i liked him much before i knew of all this and what he was capable of. He gave me a tour and then we decided to watch a movie. Through out the night i couldnt help but to try and find things wrong with him, but i couldnt no matter how i tried. Its a habit i find myself doing, i hate it.
We cuddled and it was really nice. He finally reached in for a kiss, and afterwards he said sweelty "ive been wanting to do that all night", i totally blushed and smiled.

He took me home, and gave me a kiss goodbye, and said he will call me this week to go out again. I'm so excited for the possibilities.

Desiree called me today wanting all the details, she told me more about him and all thigns i was happy to hear. She's known him for a really long time and can hoenstly say he's not like the scum around here and that he is truly as amazing as i have found him to be.

So we will see, if this will end up being something really good or another chapter in the soap opera of my love life. I guess its true when you least expect something and when you arent even looking good things come to you. I'm not taking this fast, im gonna take it slow, see what happens and Enjoy my summer.

I did walk up to the beach the other day and layed out there for a bit in the sun.
i love that bench i often go there to read and relax.

<3

Wandering lost

2005-04-08T22:45:00.000-04:00

I dont understand whats going on lately, seriously i cant get things feeling normal. I keep trying different things each day trying to feel a sence of normal or something, anything.

Lately ive been thinking about my spiritual being.. we've been talking about it a little in class. Later we are going to get more into it. Ever since then is when it all started. Sometimes i feel like crying till theres no more tears, sometimes i cant stop smiling. Maybe its just my body doing its normal hormone dance, i dont know but its driving me nuts. I crave someone to be close to so bad, someone who i can let see the many sides of me. For awhile i was okay with not having that but not anymore. I see everyone around me with someone close. Whats wrong with me am i incapable of making friends, or even worth dating? Maybe im just having a low week but regardless these feelings have remained in me for awhile. I thought spring would bring happier days, but i have yet to see some....

Spring Fever

2005-04-05T22:15:00.000-04:00

Today was sooo beautiful, well the past few days have been great. I cleaned my car insdie and out, a lil spring cleaning is just what it needed.

Now that spring is coming the lonelyness gets worse because i crave having some closer friends to enjoy the great weather with. But even if i did have some i still dont have the time. I also wouldnt mind someone even closer then a friend around, i miss that lately..alot. I do plan on moving though in about 7 months so i dont want to start something around here when i dont plan on staying. There is this one friend, we enjoy eachothers company alot, i'd love it to go further but he plans on moving too so its a no win situation for me. However who knows there's def a spark between him and i, he's taking me to a movie this weekend. Maybe whatever it is that we are is just what i need right now. For once i should be happy with what i have instead of craving more, nothing is ever enough sometimes. In some cases thats not bad but for once i should just be happy with whatever it is i have.

Tomorrow is my 3rd client, im excited becuase monday i massaged my teacher, everyone has to, to learn and improve. I'm excited to practice what i have learned, and let my confidence grow. She was really pelased with how im doing. My massage is good but my tests arent that great. She mentioned how my energy level is off the walls, she can feel it when i walk in on test days. So the next test she's going to try some relaxtion techniques to help me so i can improve them. Luckly i know my stuff, she knows that too and our tests arent that much of our grade. Our massage skills are mainly graded.

A nice comfy spot

2005-04-02T12:26:00.000-05:00

Maybe i feel a little more comfortable then i thought writing here. Might be becuase its something new, or because i can be open and no one i wouldnt want to read it will find it. My own little hidden comfy spot. A paper journal never felt right, i didn't feel i could share my deepest thoughts. I always thought my mom looked around in my room when i wasnt around, though i know she didn't because i do, like any person have things hidden around in my room that if she did find she would have said something. She's not one of those parents that deep down knows everything but dosent say anything about it, she sure as hell says what she thinks and knows.

Ive discovered the wonders of King of Queens from my friend Chris. He and i watched it the other night and he let me borrow his season 3 dvd's to watch some more of it. Its hilarious, its not close to Sienfeld, but no one will ever be close to them.

Tomorrow i have class 830-430, its gonna be a long day but im excited for each class. Better get some rest!

A little off

2005-04-01T02:40:00.000-05:00

Not sure yet how comfortable i am with a public blog, it will take some getting used too. I do like being able to work with some html so i can get a better grasp on it.

Things have been pretty good. We had a full moon though last week, it made everything feel really off for me, maybe the moon had nothing to do with it,but everything felt weird. For a few days it felt more back to normal but again today stuff was off. I wish i could pin point whats goin on with me and the feeling around me. In class we were observing our teacher doing some energy work on one of our classmates, she got to the point where a few tears came to her eyes. Its a really strong powerful thing. I truly hope i too can connect in ways she does. I feel inside that its a possibility, i truly hope its in me. I really feel this feild is for me, i cant wait to learn more and more.

A Fresh Chapter

2005-03-25T17:20:00.000-05:00

I came across this blog site through a friend and thought I would try it out.

I'm always looking for new things to improve myself and anything around me. More lately then ever, I have done a little spring cleaning and getting rid of something and putting them on the curb with the rest of the garbage. Most of it is people that just bring me down. It's refreshing really. It's something that I think is preparing me for what's to come next, which is graduating school and running off on my own. Daily I think about it all, so very excited for it!

Well off to Applebee's to work for the night.